The Stress of Special Occasions

Even though most of us enjoy special occasions, there can be a great deal of stress involved, whether you are the one involved in the planning, or you are the one that people are celebrating, or even if you are merely attending.  This summer we had a family reunion.  Seeing us all together, I was amazed at how large our family had grown, and everyone except one, managed to make it.  We had a wonderful visit and the weather was beautiful too.  A great deal of planning and emailing back and forth went into this three day reunion.  We were scattered across the country and flights had to be booked.  Hotel arrangements had to be made and booking a special gathering place where we could all gather and share a meal and fellowship.  We even had an agenda so we’d have an idea where everyone was, which included meal times and suggestions for recreation.   

But in spite of careful planning, sometimes things happen beyond our control.  The hotel we had booked a couple of months earlier had a devastating fire two days before our arrival date!  So the planner in our family stayed up until 3 or 4 in the morning trying to find another hotel in that short time period, and she did!  It was even better than the first hotel, since it offered more amenities and was in a better location.  We were so pleased to all be together even for a short period of time and share our memories, our stories and photos, and also make new memories.    

In our family, we have had many such get-togethers all through the years and I have photos of each event, showing how we’ve changed and grown.  But some families are not as open to family reunions and special occasions and would rather avoid them altogether.  They find them stressful, either because it seems like a lot of bother trying to plan it and get everyone together, it’s too expensive, or because not everyone gets along.  In larger settings, when I’ve attended a friend’s wedding for instance, I’ve noticed that people’s feelings can get hurt if they start to feel left out, or if little cliques start to form shutting others out.  It’s always best to try and be a floater at these occasions – float from one person to another and try not to spend so much time with only one or two people.  And if it has been planned right and is feasible, there will be opportunity for everyone to mingle, while still giving attention to the person or people being celebrated.  

If you are a planner for any special occasion, then you are definitely in the hot seat.  As a planner for a special occasion (and I haven’t done too many of these), there are many things to think of.  If done right, after you’ve booked the restaurant or hall, then invited the people, you still need to order a cake, buy napkins and decorations and consider where you’ll seat everyone.  You wouldn’t think about this, but seating is a very important issue.  If you get this part wrong, you may make enemies or seat people with other people that don’t even get along.  Another thing about planning is that if you need to ask for help, you have to make sure the person(s) helping understand exactly what it is you are trying to achieve.  And you have to hope they will remember to do their part.  Sometimes a rival planner will try to thwart your plans because they see things differently.  I am sure this happens when weddings are being planned.  The bride’s family and the groom’s family may want two different things.  They may be of completely different faiths.  One family may allow alcohol, the other does not.  So if weddings are not planned in a way that accommodates both sides, weddings can start off the family dynamics in a negative way, and continue that way for many years to come!

Without a doubt, the greatest source of pressure when you’re a planner of any event is when you try to please everyone.  In some cases, it simply can’t be done.  I heard of a person who volunteered as the social event planner for his apartment complex.  He would meet with the residents and find out what their interests were and then plan events accordingly.  Some events went well and people seemed to be happy, and others did not go as well.  Some people chose to be critical, and yet they wouldn’t volunteer to help out!  In fact, it was such a difficult job with little reward (and a volunteer one at that), that he eventually gave up and quit. 

For anyone in a position of planning and all the stress that goes with that, the Bible offers some wonderful insights into how to do this without feeling as if you’ve entered a snake pit.  The first thing is to be humble about it.  A planner is really a server because you are (hopefully) considering the needs and wants of others.

Rom 12:10  Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. NIV

 

Instead of striving for a perfect and flawless event, a planner needs to be focusing on relationships first and foremost, and I’m sure many good planners do this.  The question should be: How can I do this in a way that is pleasing to God, and at the same time blesses others?  When God is invited into the planning, there is peace and harmony even if every little detail isn’t perfect.  People will feel blessed and honored.  This has been the case when a church I attended offered a simple but delicious lunch after the service every Sunday.  Different ones volunteered to bring food each week.  It was extremely well thought-out.  Since it depended on where you stood in line, each Sunday you would be following a different person(s), and so you would end up sitting with someone different on a kind of rotation basis.  This way you eventually got to meet everyone in the church.  Everyone mingled and no one felt left out.

For anyone who is a recipient or a guest, the same principal of humility applies.  Many times, the bride and groom will cater to their guests (like handing each guest a piece of cake) and make sure everyone feels honored.  Some guests will go out of their way to smooth things over for the sake of other guests (like watching or playing with overly-hyper kids).  And recipients especially need to find ways to show gratitude to the one(s) who planned it all. 

It is God’s will for us to fellowship together and enjoy the company of others.  Imagine what a special occasion would look like if everyone put aside their own selves and instead devoted themselves to ensuring the comfort and happiness of others.  This is what is pleasing and honoring to God, not just when it comes to special occasions, but in every situation where another person is involved.