The Stress of Pride of Ownership

Have you ever thought about the stress in owning things, especially if you own a major thing, like a big house?  Many people can’t sleep at night worrying about all their possessions, or how they’re going to pay for it all.  And the more a person has, the more work to keep it all up and working in tip-top shape.  And the more a person has, and the bigger the house, this often means that two people need to be working in order to pay for it all.  But I’d like to share some thoughts about not just what we own, but what can happen as a result of taking too much pride in it.  

Recently, I took a trip to see one of the major flood-damaged areas in our province.  I wasn’t at all prepared for the devastation that I witnessed.  What was once a pretty town with a spacious well-treed park in a valley was now a mass of broken trees, no grass and 10 to 15 feet dirt dikes running along the river banks.  The park was so badly damaged that they’ve closed off the two bridges, so that no one can drive through the extensive flood-damaged area.  For a town that depended on its beautiful park, which included a bird sanctuary and walking paths, famous bridge and gorgeous river-front properties, it now has much less to offer for tourists hoping to escape to the serene beauty this town has usually offered.  This year there were other major flood-damaged areas in our province, one in which wiped out nearly all the cottages and homes on an entire eastern side of a large in-land lake, popular for its sandy beaches, and shallow blue water.  Many homes and farms in the area were also affected. 

But local flooding is not all that has been happening.  It seems that in the last few years, the greatest disasters all had to do with water.  In 2004, one of the worst tsunamis ever recorded in history occurred in Indonesia and in the Indian Ocean.  Many beautiful ocean-front resorts and properties were completely wiped out, not to mention all the people that got swept away by the water.  Then in 2005, Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf of Mexico wiping out many southern historical areas, including Mississippi towns and New Orleans, and again, a terrible loss of human life.  And this year, 2011, Japan was hit with a major earthquake with tsunami waves that followed, killing thousands of people and wiping out whole villages and towns.  If you are to drive along the major coastal areas of the world, in most countries, you will find the most beautiful and expensive properties in the world.  Even along our local lakefronts, there are mansions, and if not mansions, property that is valued much higher than inland properties.  In other words, we put a much higher value on having a view of water than on any other types of property known (as far as I know).  Isn’t it interesting that these properties can be wiped out in a few seconds by a large body of water, or over time (as we’ve seen around our local in-land lakes) by land erosion caused by the waves.

A few years ago, my husband and I thought we might like to buy or custom-build a new larger home, and preferably one on the lake, or even one in the city on a man-made lake. We wanted a new home because there would be little to no repairs and it would free up our time for other things.  And we wanted the extra room for doing our extensive crafts and hobbies (me mostly artworks, my husband wood-working), and for hosting larger family-get-togethers.  We thought that a water-front view would provide beauty, serenity and inspiration, which I think most people are looking for.  So we tried to think of ways we could make this happen without going into a life-time of debt and having to work several jobs to pay for it.  But nothing seemed to come together for us.  So we thought we’d pay a small price, support a local hospital organization, and buy a ticket and perhaps win one of their new lottery homes.  If it wasn’t one on a lake, we could sell it and use the money to build what we wanted where we wanted it.  But this never happened either, even after trying each year for a few years.

Recently, I asked the Lord why we still haven’t been able to build our dream home and why we never won one of the lottery houses.  I wasn’t quite prepared for His answer, but it has begun to make perfect sense to me and has begun a process of humbling me.  He directed me to the following passage:

2 Samuel 7:5  "Go and tell my servant David, 'This is what the LORD says: Are you the one to build me a house to dwell in?

2 Samuel 7:6  I have not dwelt in a house from the day I brought the Israelites up out of Egypt to this day. I have been moving from place to place with a tent as my dwelling.

2 Samuel 7:7  Wherever I have moved with all the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their rulers whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel, "Why have you not built me a house of cedar?"' NIV

When I first read it, I realized that Almighty God never had a building to dwell in.  Jesus never had a place to rest His head (see Matthew 8:20). And if you read further in the New Testament, all those who believe in Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, are the “temple” of God, and He dwells within us by His Holy Spirit. 

1 Cor. 3:16  Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? NIV

This tells me that even though God is so magnificent and awesome that it goes beyond words to even describe Him, He doesn’t care about all the pomp and beauty of His dwelling place, but rather He cares about us instead.  In other words, if anyone deserves the most royal and extravagant palace to live in to show His magnificence, you’d think it would be God, wouldn’t you?  After all, we expect those of royalty to live above the rest of us, don’t we?  We expect the Royal Family in England to live in their castle and have everything done for them by servants.  And we expect people of wealth and privilege to own the most beautiful homes and estates, and probably live on an island or on the ocean.  And yet, God Himself chooses to dwell in the most temporary accommodations, tents and our human body.  This speaks volumes to us of Who God really is - that He is a God of love and that He loves us so much He wants to dwell with us on OUR level and in a way that makes Him easily accessible to us. 

Pride of ownership can include anything that we hold onto and prize as our own, perhaps even hoarding it for our own purpose and pleasure.  I now wonder if God allowed these deadly tsunamis that struck coastal areas throughout the world, and even local flooding on our lakes and land, as a reminder that buildings, land and water-front views are not something we should ever strive for, or take pride in if we are fortunate enough to own.  They are only temporary and have no lasting value in terms of eternity.  Throughout Scripture and especially through the humble life that Jesus lived here on earth, it becomes clear that what matters most to God is people.  After all, He sent His only Son Jesus to die for us, so that we could be saved from an eternity of darkness, and instead spend eternity with Him in His heaven.  He chooses to dwell with us by abiding in us, even though He should be dwelling in the most spectacular and beautiful property known to man (although not even the highest heavens can contain Him – see I Kings 8:27).  And as for me and my dream of owning a new house with a water-front view, I know that I cannot make this a priority.  After all, if God can dwell in a tent, why should we expect anything more?  And if God does bless us with such a house, then it must be for His purposes, which will bring glory to Him.

Today if you are struggling with pride of ownership, I encourage you to dedicate it all to God for His purposes and see what He wants you to do with what He’s given you.  Or if you are like me, and may sometimes dream of having something more or different, I encourage you to approach it prayerfully and carefully.  We need to always remember, our relationship to God and other people matter much more than anything else in life, and God has us where we are for a reason, whether it’s a tent, a house, a mansion, or a humble apartment.  May God bless you and give you contentment and joy, no matter what your circumstances.

Stress and Regrets

In the previous blog, Stress and Worry, I mentioned that I had once read in a book that worry is one of our greatest enemies.  Regret would be a close second.  How many of us struggle with regrets that we should have done things differently?  Just to give an example, before the housing market escalated in our city, houses were moderately priced and affordable, so that an average salary would be enough for a small family to live comfortably.  Many people, including myself and my husband, wished we had bought then.  But there are other regrets that have to do with relationships, which are far more weighing.  We may have said something harsh to someone, only to regret it moments later.  Or we may have mistreated someone who is now gone, and we can’t make things right, and so we live with regret that we should have treated them better when we had the chance.

I have heard people go on and on about how they should have raised their children differently, and stated how much they regretted not being there for them as much as they should have.  There’s that word “should” again.  Any time I hear the word “should,” I cringe.  “Should” implies that there is something amiss.  I did something wrong, I am missing something, or I don’t quite measure up.  In all things in life, there is always someone or something to compare ourselves to.  In school, you may only be getting B’s.  Someone else is getting A’s.  You may really like your 1000 square foot bungalow, but the neighbour beside you has just built a 2000 square foot two-story beauty.  Your friends have traveled the world, and you have only traveled in your own country, or maybe not at all.  Your sibling had four children and you only had two, or one.  Perhaps you are still single and all your friends are married or getting married.  In each of these scenarios, there may be envy as well as regret that we never reached the same heightened status of someone else. 

When it comes to regrets, there is often very little we can do about our past mistakes.  But when it comes to relationships, we need to make things right with God and others first and foremost, and then see if we can redeem or fix some of our mistakes, but we can’t ever go back.  What’s done is done!  I’d like to share a personal story about one of my regrets in life, to show that sometimes regrets can be redeemed into something better.  For many years I lived with the regret that I never completed my college education.  I only partially completed the first of a two year gruelling course in Journalism.  It was a four year university course crammed into two years, and I just couldn’t handle the heavy course load at the time.  Yet journalism was my career of choice.  I tried to go back, but by then, I couldn’t afford the time or the money.  I needed to work to pay my rent and car expenses.  So, instead of going back to college, I began university as a mature student and went to night school so I could get my Bachelor of Arts degree, with a major in English.  I worked a regular day job and at night went to school.  I did this for six years and then I graduated.  I received a type of education that led me to doing what I do today – write books.  Without the university education, I may never have had the necessary skills or experience to be able to write books.  So in a way, my regret was redeemed into something even better.

There are many stories of people who regretted their past lives, but turned their mistakes into something wonderful that benefited many other people.  Every professing believer in Christ will have this story to tell – of how God redeemed their life of sin and turned it into something brand new and wonderful.   Saul used to kill Christians, and then God got ahold of him and he became the Apostle Paul and wrote most of the New Testament.  Do you think Paul had regrets?  I’m sure he did, but rather than dwell on them, he focused on the saving grace of Jesus, and glorified the God who saved him from a wretched life.  This is what he said:

Galatians 6:14  But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.  KJV

When you think of it, any time we focus on ourselves, whether it’s our abilities or our failures, this is pride.  We are really stealing the glory from God, who has saved us, forgiven us, and has let us start life over again.  True humility is to not only repent of our mistakes, but to turn away from them altogether.  This means we will not even think about them again.  Instead, we will focus on the now and pour our creative energies into the many tasks at hand.  After all, we have a job to do.  We can help people and perhaps even save some from making mistakes that they will regret later, most notably, to show them our victorious life, and share the Good News of the Gospel message.  Regrets only give us long faces and leave us and others in a cloud of darkness.  The reality of our redemption and all that it entails raises us higher and this is what lights up the world. 

I hope you feel encouraged today to leave your regrets in the past, and move forward to think and do great things, not only for your own benefit, but for the benefit of many others, and mostly, to glorify God.

Stress and Worry

I once read in a book that one of the greatest enemies we may struggle with in our thought life is worry.  The author suggested that by worrying about the future or anything in the present, what we are really doing is escaping from the present moment.  If we worry, we will fail to enjoy the wonder and the present opportunities that are there for us.  Worrying can become an ingrained habit and if we don’t recognize it as that, we will continue in this defeating cycle that will get us nowhere fast, and it will only add more stress to our lives.    

Let’s talk about worry and why we might resort to it.  Worry has to do with loss – we are afraid of losing something – our job, our house, our companionship with others, our ability to enjoy life, our good name, our future, and so on.  In my case, I worry about making the right decisions.  Should I pursue a job that pays since we need the extra income, or continue doing what I feel called to do, which is writing?  Should we stay where we are in the city or consider selling and living in the resort town (again this has to do with financial drawbacks to having two places)?  The things I worry about have huge consequences (career and where to live) and there are many factors involved, mainly financial.  I have to pray constantly about both of these things because they so often weigh on my mind.  I know that health issues are another huge concern for many people, so they worry about their health.  Some people worry about their loved ones. 

As to why we resort to worry, I can only come up with one major reason, unbelief.  Are we just too lazy to pray and then leave it there with God?  I am so thankful that God has an answer for everything, including worry.  Look at what Jesus says about it:

Mat 6:25  Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

Mat 6:26  Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Mat 6:27  Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

Mat 6:28  And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

Mat 6:29  And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Mat 6:30  Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Mat 6:31  Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

Mat 6:32  (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

Mat 6:33  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Mat 6:34  Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.  KJV

There is no question -- we are to live in the present, one moment at a time, and one day at a time.  And we are to enjoy each moment as it is given to us.

In thinking about my own sometimes troubling situation, I know in my heart that God has everything under control.  If I am to continue to write, He will continue to give me the ideas and the inspiration to do so.  If I am supposed to have a paying job, He will open that door.  If we are supposed to move, the opportunity will present itself.  One important thing to remember when it comes to making decisions or about any other troubling situation, is that after we have prayed about something, God gives us peace even though He may not give us a direct answer right away.  If you think about it, what a phenomenal gift!  No one else can give us that!  Here is the promise:

Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:7  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  NIV

 

Notice in verse 6, we are to pray with thanksgiving.  So if we find ourselves worrying about something, we need to first pray, and then immediately be thankful for the many blessings God has already provided.  When we begin to be thankful and also start counting our many blessings, we quickly discover that we have so much to be thankful for, that we should never give much thought to what we are lacking.  Today I am so thankful that I know Jesus personally and I have instant access to His throne and all the promises in the Bible.  I am thankful for my wonderful family and close friends.  I am thankful for amazing technology (my computers and my blackberry) that makes my writing and connecting to others via the internet so much faster and easier.  I am so thankful for my husband who loves me and loves God (and here’s a bonus – he’s a computer programmer and analyst).  I am thankful for this beautiful warm and sunny day.  I have good food to eat and I’m healthy!  I love my community and my country.  I am so crazy blessed it’s insane.  Now I am no longer treading the murky waters of worry and unbelief.  I have escaped and my day is filled with sunshine and hope.  I am not going back there to that wasteland of worry.  And you can follow this same wonderful path that I am on, and leave the big stuff in the Father’s hands.  He can handle it.  He always has and He always will.

Have a blessed day.

The Stress of Perfectionism

Being busy and productive is one thing, but being unable to know when enough is enough, is quite another.  In my blog, The Stress of Summer, I talk about summer being one of the busiest times of year for me.  What I didn’t mention in that blog is that when I first came out to the cottage, I was overwhelmed when I saw the yard work and other work around the house that needed to be done.  I needed to rake the leaves, including the flower beds, possibly weed the garden (I don’t even want to discuss the disrepair it’s in), touch up paint on the house, put fresh flowers in pots, clean off the deck and patio in the back, sweep the house of spider webs, clean the many windows, trim the hedges and overhanging tree branches, cut the long grass, and so on.  Other years, I would tackle it all and not be happy until it was ALL done, so much of my summer was spent working in the yard.  All of this is on top of the “inside” housework and minor repairs that need to be done, and also all my creative work that I sell in the market and craft shows.  Add to this I normally try to fit in reading and writing, walking and swimming, entertaining friends and family, etc. and that’s my summer!  No wonder I would have neck and back pain, feel tired, stressed, and at times, depressed.

This year, as I mentioned in The Stress of Summer blog, the Lord had other plans for me.  He wanted me to write a book.  I hadn’t even been at the house more than a couple of days and the Lord spoke to me not to worry about all the yard-work, and the long list of things to do in the house as well.  I was to do a little bit of yard-work, like rake the leaves, sweep the deck and trim some hedges and that was all.  For the first time that I can remember, I was both relieved and content to let the other work wait, because I really wanted and needed the time to enjoy the good weather and all the other good things that go with being out here in the summer.  And I would later discover that I was to write another book.

Through this experience, I discovered something very important about myself and about life in general.  I discovered that I struggle with perfectionism and that although I am always to do my best, it doesn’t mean that I have to get everything done right away and in a certain way, or I won’t be happy.  Some things can wait.  I was going well beyond what I really needed to be doing, and I didn’t know when to quit.  And I also learned that relationships and time spent with others is far more important than finishing all the housework.  Some things had to be done, like writing the book, but the other things can wait.  I needed to learn when to stop working and give the time to a loved one, a friend or neighbour, and when to keep working to get the job done. 

There are other tendencies that perfectionists have.  Perfectionists tend to be a creature of habit and do things the same way even though there might be a better way!   For example, even grocery shopping can become a thing of perfectionism -- buy what's on the list and bulk up on sale items.  Do we really need all the food that we buy?  For instance, one of the grocery stores kept putting their ice cream on sale and I kept buying it.  Soon I had more ice cream than we could eat!  I had three containers in the fridge freezer and then later I found Dixie cups hidden away in my freezer.  Although we don’t do this often, sometimes it’s actually cheaper to eat out.  We discovered a place that offers wing night on Wednesday night.  You get a large basket of wings, curly fries and coleslaw for $7.99, and there’s enough to feed two hungry people.  I’m sure you can’t even buy it for that in the grocery store, since chicken can be very expensive!  And then you’d have to heat up your house and cook it, and then clean up all the mess and wash the dishes afterwards.  Sounds like extra work to me!  I’d rather prepare such a meal in the cooler months when I’m driven inside.

As I’m learning to let go and not be a slave to my ideas of perfectionism, I can’t help but think of others I know who have had perfectionist tendencies.  How I have struggled when they tried to impose all kinds of impossible demands on me to do and be the same!  Some people don’t even realize the negative effect they have on others when they do this.  I’ll never forget a fellow artist in the art club I once belonged to, who took it upon herself to teach me how to paint in acrylics.  Some of her ideas helped me, like choosing the right paint, colors, canvas, brushes and so on.  But when she imposed her own techniques of how to paint water, trees and sky, I just couldn’t imitate her.  I had my own specific style that came from within me, and she would criticize my work since it wasn’t exactly the same as hers!  Feeling like a failure, I’d spend many hours on my own learning how to paint waves, stormy skies, boats, birds and so on.  Now I hardly think about it; I just paint naturally, and I have sold many of my paintings, even though they are much different from the fellow artist who tried to push her techniques on me.

Today if you have perfectionist tendencies or you live with or work with someone who does, please be encouraged that the perfectionism spoken of in the Bible is the only kind to strive for:

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Matthew 5:48   

If we read Matthew 5, we soon discover that Jesus wants us to be a cut above the rest when it comes to how we handle other people.  He wants us to go the extra mile for someone else, even and especially if they least deserve such preferential treatment.  Why would we do this?  Because this is how people who do not know God as we do, discover and see for themselves the love of God in action.  Other Scripture talks about being perfect in light of doing what God commands us to do.  We know that we are commanded to love God and others as ourselves, and we are also called to do specific things for God (like me writing the books).  In light of this, it doesn’t really matter if we get all the housework and yard work done today or not.  But what really matters is that we’ve shown God’s love to someone who least deserved it, and we obeyed whatever it is that God has laid on our heart to do (and sometimes this might mean housework and yard work).

These are my thoughts on perfectionism.  What are some of yours?

The Stress of Summer

Most of us love summers, especially if we live in a colder climate for most of the rest of the year.  For me, I can’t wait for summer just to be able to be outside and bask in the warmth and the heat of the sunshine and read a favorite magazine.  That’s the dream.  But the reality is that summer is one of the busiest times of the year for me, and sometimes I find it stressful.  I have about six weeks, maybe eight, to do everything and I always try my hardest to pack everything into these short six or eight weeks.  This includes taking care of the spacious yard and exterior of our house at the resort town where we spend most of the summer.  This is also the time I try to sell my creative wares (that I’ve designed during the fall, winter and spring) at a local farmers market every Saturday. We try to get together with friends as much as possible, and this means food preparation and clean-up.  Then there’s the above-ground pool care, deck care, and pet care.  Every day I try to go for a good brisk walk, and sometimes a bike ride. 

Most weddings are in the summer, so there is the stress of either planning the wedding, or giving up a weekend or weekends to attend them. Some summers there are more weddings than other summers, so this can take up a lot of precious Saturdays. And of course summer is when most people plan their vacations, so there’s the stress of packing, closing up your house, stopping the paper and mail, paying your bills, finding a sitter for your pet, and also deciding where to go, etc.  And it always seems that this is the time where we are financially stretched.  You may find this especially true if you own a home and you have to fork out money for repairs you didn’t plan on.  Maybe you need a new lawn mower or you need to paint your house; perhaps you need some landscaping, and you can’t forget your flower beds or garden!  Perhaps something major has broken down, like the year our well quit working, and cost us $7,000.  And when you go on vacation, you usually have your vehicle checked out to make sure it’s in tip-top shape before venturing out.  And if you are camping, you have another whole set of issues to deal with.  You have to remember to pack a little bit of everything, from salt and pepper for your potato salad and steak, to tea towels and clothes pins to hang them with.  Then you must pray for good weather!

You also want to make sure that you attend as many music festivals, markets, exhibitions, plays and other outdoor attractions and venues, especially if you live in the city. And if you have children, you need to keep them happily occupied for the full two months they have off from school.  No wonder the summer flies by so fast.

And then there’s the weather, which this year, has been as unpredictable as ever.  We had rapid rain falls, an extended heat wave, days of cloud, sun and rain, cool and windy days, and so on.  Many days we’ve been enjoying sunshine and beautiful weather without a cloud in the sky.  Those have been the busiest days of all, to make sure and get out and do things and enjoy the perfect weather in case it rains the next day.  In extreme weather, you are inevitably forced to be inside.  During the heat wave, many people couldn’t be outside or they would faint or pass out.  Some people had trouble breathing.  The stores had sold out of air conditioners and pools, so if your air-conditioner broke down, you had to get it fixed and fast!  You never know from one day to the next what the weather’s going to be like.

But in spite of the stress of summer, most of us wouldn’t trade it for anything because we know that cooler, colder, darker days are just ahead.  Now it is August and we notice that the days are getting shorter and the evenings have a cool fall feel to them.  Some people welcome the fall and the regular routine so that they don’t feel such a frenzy to do so much in taking advantage of the warmer weather.  And there are people who feel the loneliest in the summer as they see families and couples enjoying social outings and vacations, and perhaps they are stuck at home alone.  Sometimes we can feel disappointed when our summers don’t turn out as we had hoped.  For instance, this summer turned out much different for me than I imagined.  I probably only accomplished half of what I had planned, since I felt compelled to write a book that the Lord had laid on my heart.  So I spent a good deal of my summer at home outside, writing.  But I’m certainly not complaining!  My last blog entry for The Rapture Question was all about not forgetting our main purpose to look for the coming of the Lord and to be ready, also to evangelize and do the Lord’s work even though it is tempting to take a vacation from the Lord’s work during the summer months.  So the Lord has had me doing just that – writing another inspirational book to stay in the Word, keep praying, and also remembering the ultimate goal – to reach others with the Good News of the Gospel.

Don’t get me wrong, we still need time out to relax and create some kind of wonderful vacation for ourselves.  For some it’s treasured time at a favorite beach or cottage, for others it’s sitting by a cement pool sipping an iced drink, and for others it’s just sitting in the shade reading a good book.  One thing is for sure, we need to enjoy each day as it comes, no matter what the weather brings.  And we need to count our blessings and thank God for providing us with this big bouquet of sunshine, gorgeous flowers, birds singing and the gentle waves of lakes, or oceans, or trickling of brooks. 

Psa 103:1  A Psalm of David. Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

Psa 103:2  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

Psa 103:3  Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

Psa 103:4  Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

Psa 103:5  Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Truly we are blessed!  May you enjoy the rest of your summer, stress-free if possible!