Being busy and productive is one thing, but being unable to know when enough is enough, is quite another. In my blog, The Stress of Summer, I talk about summer being one of the busiest times of year for me. What I didn’t mention in that blog is that when I first came out to the cottage, I was overwhelmed when I saw the yard work and other work around the house that needed to be done. I needed to rake the leaves, including the flower beds, possibly weed the garden (I don’t even want to discuss the disrepair it’s in), touch up paint on the house, put fresh flowers in pots, clean off the deck and patio in the back, sweep the house of spider webs, clean the many windows, trim the hedges and overhanging tree branches, cut the long grass, and so on. Other years, I would tackle it all and not be happy until it was ALL done, so much of my summer was spent working in the yard. All of this is on top of the “inside” housework and minor repairs that need to be done, and also all my creative work that I sell in the market and craft shows. Add to this I normally try to fit in reading and writing, walking and swimming, entertaining friends and family, etc. and that’s my summer! No wonder I would have neck and back pain, feel tired, stressed, and at times, depressed.
This year, as I mentioned in The Stress of Summer blog, the Lord had other plans for me. He wanted me to write a book. I hadn’t even been at the house more than a couple of days and the Lord spoke to me not to worry about all the yard-work, and the long list of things to do in the house as well. I was to do a little bit of yard-work, like rake the leaves, sweep the deck and trim some hedges and that was all. For the first time that I can remember, I was both relieved and content to let the other work wait, because I really wanted and needed the time to enjoy the good weather and all the other good things that go with being out here in the summer. And I would later discover that I was to write another book.
Through this experience, I discovered something very important about myself and about life in general. I discovered that I struggle with perfectionism and that although I am always to do my best, it doesn’t mean that I have to get everything done right away and in a certain way, or I won’t be happy. Some things can wait. I was going well beyond what I really needed to be doing, and I didn’t know when to quit. And I also learned that relationships and time spent with others is far more important than finishing all the housework. Some things had to be done, like writing the book, but the other things can wait. I needed to learn when to stop working and give the time to a loved one, a friend or neighbour, and when to keep working to get the job done.
There are other tendencies that perfectionists have. Perfectionists tend to be a creature of habit and do things the same way even though there might be a better way! For example, even grocery shopping can become a thing of perfectionism -- buy what's on the list and bulk up on sale items. Do we really need all the food that we buy? For instance, one of the grocery stores kept putting their ice cream on sale and I kept buying it. Soon I had more ice cream than we could eat! I had three containers in the fridge freezer and then later I found Dixie cups hidden away in my freezer. Although we don’t do this often, sometimes it’s actually cheaper to eat out. We discovered a place that offers wing night on Wednesday night. You get a large basket of wings, curly fries and coleslaw for $7.99, and there’s enough to feed two hungry people. I’m sure you can’t even buy it for that in the grocery store, since chicken can be very expensive! And then you’d have to heat up your house and cook it, and then clean up all the mess and wash the dishes afterwards. Sounds like extra work to me! I’d rather prepare such a meal in the cooler months when I’m driven inside.
As I’m learning to let go and not be a slave to my ideas of perfectionism, I can’t help but think of others I know who have had perfectionist tendencies. How I have struggled when they tried to impose all kinds of impossible demands on me to do and be the same! Some people don’t even realize the negative effect they have on others when they do this. I’ll never forget a fellow artist in the art club I once belonged to, who took it upon herself to teach me how to paint in acrylics. Some of her ideas helped me, like choosing the right paint, colors, canvas, brushes and so on. But when she imposed her own techniques of how to paint water, trees and sky, I just couldn’t imitate her. I had my own specific style that came from within me, and she would criticize my work since it wasn’t exactly the same as hers! Feeling like a failure, I’d spend many hours on my own learning how to paint waves, stormy skies, boats, birds and so on. Now I hardly think about it; I just paint naturally, and I have sold many of my paintings, even though they are much different from the fellow artist who tried to push her techniques on me.
Today if you have perfectionist tendencies or you live with or work with someone who does, please be encouraged that the perfectionism spoken of in the Bible is the only kind to strive for:
Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
Matthew 5:48
If we read Matthew 5, we soon discover that Jesus wants us to be a cut above the rest when it comes to how we handle other people. He wants us to go the extra mile for someone else, even and especially if they least deserve such preferential treatment. Why would we do this? Because this is how people who do not know God as we do, discover and see for themselves the love of God in action. Other Scripture talks about being perfect in light of doing what God commands us to do. We know that we are commanded to love God and others as ourselves, and we are also called to do specific things for God (like me writing the books). In light of this, it doesn’t really matter if we get all the housework and yard work done today or not. But what really matters is that we’ve shown God’s love to someone who least deserved it, and we obeyed whatever it is that God has laid on our heart to do (and sometimes this might mean housework and yard work).
These are my thoughts on perfectionism. What are some of yours?
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